Things I've learned being a full time working mom.

Working 40 hours a week when all you want to do is crafts with your toddler sucks. 

Working a 5 day a week job sucks. 

Waiting for a weekend sucks. 

Adulting sucks.

Things I've learned while raising a toddler and working full time:

1. Sometimes you're going to feel like a terrible parent because  you will come home completely drained, and even though  you've thought about getting home to your baby all day, you will instantly be annoyed by their need for attention. You won't  notice that you're doing it, but by dismissing their feelings, you're being a jerk. But I don't blame you! It's  hard. Especially if you deal with fixing problems or customer service. You just want a break, and want someone to fix YOUR problems for once. Yeah, I catch myself and remind myself that this tiny little human wants to be around me and loves me regardless. Then I feel horrible for being irritated at this beautiful little monster. But it's normal. I've talked to other working mamma's and they've experienced this,  also. It's  rough, and the worst part is, people I actually don't care about got the best of me, whereas my daughter gets the burned out grumpy version of me.

2. You'll have days at home when you think to yourself "work sounds nice." Even if you spent all week wanting to cry at the thought of having to stay at work a minute longer. You'll remember that work has free air conditioning and a break room where people generally leave you alone,  at least for a little bit. Unlike home, where there is no place to hide. Not even the bathroom!

3. I wish I could ditch like I did in high school. In high school I would wake up with full intent on going to school until a friend would call or text me with a better proposal. Then I'd decide to ditch school for fun. Well some mornings I have all intentions of going to work but then Autumn wakes up and wants to do something fun, like we did on "Saturday." My heart hurts each time I have to tell her no, because of money. If I don't go to work, rent is not paid. It's  a bummer, and I wish I could stay home all of the days to have fun, but I'm so worried about not having the patience for it.

4. Planning for the weekend all week long ends with a very busy weekend, which are a lot of fun, but also very exhausting. I  feel so suffocated all week long in this office building that I plan for days out for the weekends but I have  to learn to schedule time for relaxation, too. If I don't, I end up burned out and even more dreadful of Monday.

5. I do get every holiday off, which is nice, however, I don't ever have enough time to plan for said holidays. Very annoying for someone who likes to get creative with the gift baskets and wrapping paper. I like to make things extra special and magical. Having the DAY off for a holiday really does nothing for me. So I start to get my holiday planning way ahead of time! I've  been planning Autumn's birthday since January, even though  it's  in July, because I won't  have enough weekends to put everything together myself in just the month of July. But seriously, holiday's really aren't all that great when you know you won't be home the day after Christmas to play with your kid and all the stuff Santa brought them. Instead I'll  be at work talking to people who have nothing  better to do but call customer service the day after Christmas. Usually, they're bitter about something or being alone. Like me. Because I am at work. Dealing with them. IT'S HORRIBLE.

I've probably learned a lot more since I started working full time on a regular 9-5 shift, but I think these are most important. I feel like I miss out on so much. However, a good paying job with an unfinished psychogy degree is rarely found without working in retail or fast food. It's very frustrating. I need to make a living, but I want to be close to my daughter. I have to pay the bills but I'm afraid I will end up showing my daughter that I sacrifice my goals and passions  for money. It's  a very complicated situation but for now, I just have to keep on keeping on.

Wisdom Wednesday- Live & Let Live.

When you see/hear/read something that doesn't fit into your personal mold of normal, ask your self these questions prior to making a negative comment, thought,  or judgement:

1.Does this affect me personally?
2. Is this hurting any individuals who are unable to protect themselves?
3. Is anyone going to be physically or emotionally impacted that is unable to defend themselves?

If your answers are no- stay the hell out of it.

Now I'm not saying a little political debate is terrible, because you best believe I'm one of the first people to jump in on an intense political debate.  What I am saying is this- live and let live.

If you don't think gay marriage deserves equal rights, that's fine. I may argue why it does deserve equal rights, but I'm probably not going to persuade you otherwise, so I won't invest much emotion into it. However, if you become rude or emotionally abusive towards those in the LGBTQ community, you've crossed a line from being a human with opinions, to being an asshole.

Because guess what? A gay man getting married to another man does not physically harm you, nor does it affect anyone else. Someone else's love is not the lack of your own, is it? So being hurtful does nothing but promote negativity.

This example can be applied to so many different scenarios. 

The plus sized woman wearing shorts that you consider "too short for a woman that size" isn't hurting a damn person by staying cool. 
The parent giving their child organic or non organic that irritates you for either being a hipster/careless- doesn't deserve any type of response from someone who IS NOT THAT CHILD'S PARENT.

I get it, we all have opinions, but an opinion is NOT the same as an insult. The internet gives bullies a way to hide behind a screen and throw text bullets at other people's self esteem, but it isn't only online. Jerks are everywhere, and they feel like anything outside of THEIR norm is wrong, and that these people should feel bad for being "wrong." It's an epidemic of negativity but what I don't understand is if it is not harming you or your loved ones why the *eff* does it matter? I reiterate- let's all just live our lives and let other's live theirs!

Do you all have any other examples of things people get worked up about that have *zero* effect on them?

Toddler Tuesday- The Importance of Family.

"Ohana means family. Family means nobody gets left behind. Or forgotten." -Lilo & Stitch.

Teaching a toddler the importance of family is an essential to building a child's sense of security and keeping them grounded. It's something to instill in them so that they have a sense of pride and loyalty.

I do understand there are certain situations where this doesn't apply. There are certain situations where your friends become your family, and even then, this same principle applies.

This being said, our family is hectic. We are not your average family and by no means are we normal. However, Autumn will know her family always has her back, and in return she will always be there to catch her cousins when they fall, or to help Grandma when she needs it. Because that is what family does.

This weekend she got to see her family on my side quite a bit. More than usual, since she got to see both my maternal and paternal sides of the family. I want to continue taking her around them so she can understand that they are the firsts people who will be permanent in her life. Before the friends and the crushes - she had family.

Do any of you struggle with keeping family close with your little ones?

Motivation Monday!

Today's motivation focuses on following your bliss.

The quote reads "Be fearless in the pursuit of what sets your soul on fire."

I think it's beautiful and so very important to remember.

Don't let anything hold you back from doing what brings you happiness. 

Your passion is important and when you find what your passion is, you shouldn't let anything scare you away from letting that passion grow. Passion for something is a beautiful thing and letting that passion run free is so rare.

You want to dance but are afraid that you don't have a dancers body? 

Dance anyway!

You want to show your art at a gallery but are afraid it won't meet other's expectations? 

Set up that gallery anyway!

You want to write, but are afraid people won't like to read what you write? 

Write ANYWAY!

There's infinite possibilities to let your passion become a part of you, don't let fear stop it!

What is something you've been afraid to do that you did anyway, with awesome results?

My name is Brittany and I'm a debbie downer.

That's right, I admit it. I'm a debbie downer, a negative nancy, a pessimist.

I usually catch myself during my "glass half empty" rants about people and their no care attitudes. I get mad because sometimes I'm pulled in a million different directions and nobody stops to be be considerate. I watch the news where this really messed up shit happens, and I just think to myself, "Autumn is never leaving the house." I start to get really paranoid and that makes me anxious. Then, I'll sift through Facebook and find that one stupid post that was posted by a family member or friend that is so ignorant and ass backwards I just want to scream obscenities at them, but of course, I don't. I lose hope for humanity instead. I'd love to say that it's easy to believe in humanity, especially since I really do believe in the power of the human spirit and that each action affects someone else, but it's complicated. Sometimes I feel dissapointed in my fellow beings. I feel so dissapointed that it turns into anger and hatred. 

But then life suprises you. In little ways, but those little things make all the difference.

Recently, I've been trying to push this "positive patty" thing that a coworker lives by. She posts positive quotes and inspiration on days that are tough and lives by her own rules that make her happy. This is inspiring to me. I appreciate the posts, becuase they are a subtle reminder that if you plant the seeds, the flowers will grow. Planting people in your life that are positive, wether it's an associate, a coworker, an acquaintance, a family member, or a friend- will grow into a garden. I've associated myself with a lot of weeds in the past, and even though it's relevant, I'm not talking about pot. I'm talking about those people who just make your life a mess. You go out to your garden to pull some out and three more grow. It's exhausting. I want my garden to be so full of flowers that the weeds have no place to grow. And gardening is hard. So it'll take some time for me.

 However, I will admit, since I've changed my mindset I've been seeing more beauty in the world and in humanity. It's random- and it's amazing.

For example; my neighbor across the way at our quadplex is a man who happens to resembles, what most would define as a "skinhead." Like I said, I am prone to judgement, and I apologize for that, but skinheads are one of my biggest fears in life because of past experiences and threats.Besides the fact that he pretty much is the defnition of a physical stereotype, his car has a giant sticker on it that reads "SUPPORT YOUR LOCAL WHITE BOY." I got close enough to read the small print underneath it one day and it was a web address. I, of course, went to this web address and found that it was a site for those who believe in "white pride" and had tons of members and products for sale with similar slogans on it. At first I was angry and then I was terrified. I was terrified because of the aforementioned experiences and threats. I have encountered skinheads, I've been told I was worst than dirt because I'm a traitor to my race. I've been threatened to be raped and killed. I was told that I deserved to be hurt because my boyfriend was black. The worst part? HE WASN'T EVEN THERE. Someone had mentioned if Terrance was coming. The name. His name triggered it all. How did they even know? They assumed. They terrorized me and until this day, I'm petrified when I see anyone who even slighlty fits the description of a skinhead. So here we are, freshly moved into this apartment and a skinhead is my neighbor. Great. We avoided him at all cost. Went out the backdoor, parked far away from his car, etc. Then one day, as I was putting Autumn in the car I looked back to where Terrance was. I saw him standing there, talking to the neighbor. It was inaudible since they were too far away, but my heart stopped. My stomach started to hurt, and I was searching Terrance's face for a clue as to what they were talking about. Then about one minute (ten hours, in my head) later, Terrance got in the car and told me he had offered to repair my broken car window for free. 

-what-

I was so confused. Terrance said he was very friendly, offered to keep his music down on the weekends if it bothered Autumn, and even told him where we could get inexpensive autoparts if necessary. That made me question everything. Did he buy the car with the sticker on it? Was he a racist? What was happening? It's hard for me to trust him because of my initial fears and judgements, but is he really just trying to be a good neighbor? However, I have a new window and he's is installing it this weekend. 

I'm still confused as to who this man is, but I've got to stop focusing on the negative and I must practice appreciation and positivity. Try it for yourself! I know it sounds cheesy, but surround yourself with positive quotes, positive friends, and positive thoughts. Don't go searching for the negative. Turn the news off. Follow some enlightened bloggers. Meditate in white light. Do something for someone else. Promote good. I know I'll be trying! Even if I do feel like this is what I look like: 

Sisterhood of the World Bloggers Award!

I was nominated by Three Lives of Me, thank you so much!

I was so excited when I got the tweet, but this weekend was an all hands on deck weekend. So now that the Monday rush is over and I've settled down, I can write about it.


So basically the Sisterhood of the World Bloggers Award is supporting each other by nominating some of our favorite reads to answer some "get to know you" questions, as well as nominate other bloggers to do the same. 

The rules are:

1. Thank the person who nominated you.
2. List 10 facts about yourself.
3. Nominate 8 other bloggers.
4. Make up 10 more questions for your nominees to answer!



Here are my answers:

1. How long have you been blogging? I have been blogging for just about 10 years now. I started with xanga.com back in the day! Now, I am blogging about different things.
2. What are your long term goals for your blog? I would like to be a part of a community and provide knowledge, humor, advice, and help to other mommas!
3. What do you love about blogging? I love getting to share stories! I love reading other momma's stories and thinking "ohh I've been there!"
4. And what do you hate, or at least just dislike? I hate that I don't have a computer at home! It'd be so much nicer if I did!
5. Do you have children and do they influence your blog? Absolutely. My blog used to be sad and depressing poetry only. Now it's about bubbles and tutus! 
6. What is one thing you have learned about blogging that you never would have thought of before hand? How much time goes into keeping it up!
7. What are your hobbies outside of your blog? Music, dancing, baking, marathon watching TV shows, reading, singing, painting. 
8. Are there any bloggers that you aspire to be like? I really do love the community Joni at Tales of a Kitchen Witch has!
9. How do you juggle being a mom along with all of your other roles? Oh, this is a good question. This is actually what most of my blog is about. How am I a full time employee and a momma? 
10. Tell me one thing about yourself that most of your readers do not know. I have anxiety. Severe anxiety. 

My nominees are: 

1. Poppies & Pinot
2. Planning Playtime
3. Dancing With Motherhood
4. Bye Comparison
5. Be A Kids Hero
6. The Mom Chronicle
7. Life in Lovelady Land
8. Janice Knauss Art

My questions for you:

1. Why did you start blogging?
2. Have you always wanted to write about what you blog about?
3. What is your dream vacation?
4. What is your favorite song at the moment?
5. What is your guilty pleasure song?
6. What is you favorite restaraunt?
7. If you could go back to high school & live it all over again, would you? Why?
8. Describe your dream house.
9. What is your favorite quote from a movie?
10. What is your favorite social media platform?

Happy Pride!

HAPPY PRIDE MONTH!

This year marked the 25th Anniversary of the Fresno Gay Pride Parade- and on one of the booklets there was a quote that I found to be very important.

"The first Pride parade was a riot."

Powerful. 

We've come such a long way. 

We still have so much further to go, but look at how far we've gotten!

I say that with full understanding of the prejudices that we still face today. This is why I will not censor my daughter from the world. I want her to grow up around diversity with the full comprehension that this is how the world is. I will not shelter her from any one type of individual because all that is providing is disadvantage. She will face the world alone one day, and her peers will be in all shapes and sizes, and in all colors and shades. There is no way I will prevent her from moving forward because I instilled a fear in her that is, not only irrational, but negative. I will not plant a negative seed in my daughter. Those negative seeds lead to narrow minds and narrow minds lead to missed opportunities. 

I will not hinder her from growing to her potential. She will accept all humans, and provide care for them when they need it. My mother gave me this freedom to accept everyone in the world, and it has made me who I am today. The LGBTQ community saved me and opened me up to being who I am. I owe it to all LGBTQ to ensure my child is accepting! 

HAPPY PRIDE AGAIN!

DIY No Sew Easy Tutu

Autumn's birthday is next month and she has chosen the theme to be.... *drum roll please*....

Mighty Morphin Power Rangers!

*sigh*

What's a mom to do? 

I never liked Power Rangers, not now and not then. To make matter worst she doesn't just want any Power Rangers, she only wants Mighty Morphin Power Rangers. You know, the series from the 80's! This is when I would enable the hashtag #iblameterrance. Nevertheless, her theme will be Power Rangers. Since it is so hot in the summer, there is no way I will be buying her a Pink Ranger costume that will surely cause a heat stroke. So instead, I made a pink tutu, and I will be printing an iron of the Pink Ranger's symbol for a pink tank top. I've had to start early because I'm also making costume shirts for her cousin and a tutu and shirt for her aunt. 

Here's how I did it with no sewing!

Two Yards of Tulle 

1 Large Safety Pin

One package of  waistband elastic

Scissors

*(Autumn is a size 3t and two yards was enough)*

I bought the tulle and elastic at Wal-Mart. The Tulle cost me 1.97 and the elastic was 98 cents. So For less than $3.00 I had everything I needed. 

Cut the tool into strips. I'll be honest, I didn't measure it. Approx 2 inches wide and 12 inches long. 12 inches may be a little short if you want a longer tutu, but I like the kind that stick straight out. Once it's on the tutu it is about 6 inches long from the waistband. The strips don't have to be cut perfectly because when it's all tied together it blends together well.  

Measure your child's waist and us a safety pin to flat pin the two loose ends together. The pin will be wrapped in tulle by the end, however if you feel more comfortable, placing a small dropp of super glue by the close of the pin and allowing it to dry prior to wrapping the tulle on it will keep it more secure. 

Take the tulle, fold it in half, place the loop you've just made under the elastic band and then pull the loose ends through the loop. 

It'll look like a little knot at the bottom.

Repeat step three.

Repeat step three over and over...

You've made a simple tutu!!!

I love doing it this way because it's so quick, it's so easy, and honestly, she's going to wear it for about twenty minutes before she's in a bathing suit and on the water slide. 

I can't show her yet or she'll want to wear it and no doubt she'll ruin it, but I promise, I will post photos of her costume when it's all done.

Also, I made a similar one for her first birthday, where we had her dressed as Wonder Woman. This is because we are awesome parents and had a DC themed birthday at a pizza parlor that we could drink beer at. :) #parentoftheyear

Autumn was Wonder Woman and I was Starfire. 

Relationships.

"Relationships are not equal. Never expect them to be."

Relationships are hard to maintain. They are difficult. They require give and they require take. Relationships also give you support and trust. Healthy relationships provide you with a bond that is stronger than the obstacles you would face alone. So, what is the key to a healthy relationship? Is there a perfect relationship? Are we in a generation that has lost the recipe? 

Coming from me it may seem as a joke. People who know me would understand when I say, I've had/have my share of unhealthy relationships. However, because of my past and present experiences I have quite a bit of knowledge of what makes an unhealthy relationship. This has led me to doing research and talking it over with therapists. What I have learned is close to comical- because it's all common sense. It's some of those things that are much easier said than done.

The key to a healthy relationship is to understand expectation. Understand what you are expecting from someone else. Start here, and then travel to understanding if that person is capable of what you expect from them. Understand that you should never expect to receive equal or greater to what you have given. Sometimes, the person that you have a relationship with needs more support than you do. This may last a day or it may last months. Understand that, and do not expect to be given the same amount of support during this time. Give love and support selflessly and willingly. If you find yourself in a relationship thinking "I'm going to support him/her because I know he/she will have my back later when I need it," you're doing it wrong. You give him/her love and support because they need it, not because you will too, one day. Of course people will argue that there are people who always need support and are never willing to provide any, no matter how selfless you act. Yes, there are those people who are never-ending pits of energy. You keep throwing yourself at them and it starts to affect your own well-being. This is when you end a relationship. If you can't trust this individual with also understanding what they are expecting from you, then you can't trust them in a relationship.

Also remember, that there are no perfect relationships. We are human, and we are error. Can you strive for perfection? Go for it. But life moves quickly and sometimes it causes happiness and at times it causes pain. Life is unscripted and we need to understand this. All the understanding and communication in the world cannot prevent the unexpected from happening. You may provide support selflessly yet still fall short because you've been exhausted from work. You may communicate why you're upset and still be so hurt that you insult the one who has upset you. You may be so overwhelmed that you forget that the person you are expecting to save you- cannot- because they are currently trying to save themselves. That is ok. Life happens.  

As life goes on, we have multiple generations that are in personal relationships. We've been told that our generation doesn't have communication skills because of technology. Is this the reason so many of us feel alone or mentally ill? Are our relationships weakened by the lack of interpersonal communication? I've read upwards to 100 articles on how technology has either increased or decreased the communication skills that we have, but technology isn't the problem. Technology has increased the means to communication. We can instantly update our friends/loved ones with news, photos, support, etc. How we use technology is the problem. We have a problem with Moral. We have a problem with addiction. We have a problem with instant gratification. So sure, we can use our smart phones to talk to ex-boyfriends or girlfriends- or we can use them to send messages to our friends to let them know they're on our minds. It's extremely easy to use our phones as a tool for our addiction to gossip- or we can use it to read and share the positive in our lives. Sure, we could post photos of what we are doing so that everyone can commend us in real time- or we can enjoy the moment, snap some photos, and post later. It's all in our mentality. It's in how we define our relationships, and what we want and what we are expecting from each other. 

Do you often expect your other half to support you in ways they really can't? Do you expect your friend to be the first one to invite you out- and never invite them? Do you expect a coworker to help you with your workload without considering their workload? What are you doing to improve your relationships?

Comment below and let me know!

5 Tips for Showing Your Daughter You Love Them.

I live for my daughter. I do. I have given up all of the reckless, selfish, really fun, parts of me from my past in order to become a mother and a positive influence for my daughter. I'm not saying I'm not a lot of fun now, because I am! I'm just not drunk dancing, late night beach trips, losing my shoes fun. I'm making play dough, making cakes, making crafts fun. But I don't hate it. I love it, actually. I felt like I had to shed the negative away to embrace this positive little being that was my baby. However, despite the change, and regardless of the number of hours I work, no matter how many times I turn down request for social interaction with friends because she would rather me play with her, sometimes she asks- "Momma, do you love me? Are you happy? Do you love my heart?" These are actual things that she asks me. 

It makes me feel sad, it makes my heart ache. I am an anxious person, and I do become high energy at times. I sometimes say things aloud that I should be more cautious of. So based on my experience, here is a list of things that I do to show Autumn just how much I love her.

1. Play her games. Sometimes, she wants to do things that are either a) destructive b) messy c) time consuming or d) annoying. At times, it's all of the above. But I play along. I become her best friend. I sit down on the floor and pretend that the dinosaurs are fighting the unicorns. She'll whisper in my ear and "dare" me to do things, like "lick daddy’s hand like a dog" or "hop like a bunny." Then I'll whisper in her ear and tell her to tell her dad silly things or act like a puppy. Some days, she wants to paint on every piece of paper that we have, and she wants me to paint, too. I've gone for walks in the evening with her not realizing that I had blue paint all over my legs. I've had to realize this: Things can be fixed. Messes can be cleaned. Her time is more important than my time. Nothing she does should be annoying. Especially that last one. When she wants to play her chord organ and sing a song, I should be embracing her creativity not telling her to turn it down because I don't want to hear it.

2. Don't talk about her like she isn't there. I know. There are times when I need to talk to her dad about how she's behaving or things that I've noticed about her. I also know that the hours that we are not directly in front of her are extremely limited. We co-sleep. We don't have a set schedule for her sleeping. She hangs out with us at all times. She doesn't get babysat. We have maybe a half hour between her going to sleep and us going to sleep. So it's easy to start talking about her hyper activity or how she was acting "terrible" at the party. I slip up and catch myself telling him that "she's driving me crazy." Which, she really does at times. But it hurts her feelings, and she hears it. I don't want her growing up thinking that she's this being that doesn't have the right to be upset that someone is talking badly about them. I know she isn't intentionally trying to cause me to have a stroke. I know she isn't being mean or hurtful. Nothing is wrong with her, something is wrong with me. I need to be more patient, and I need to be more discreet. If we have concerns about her behavior, we should discuss them away from her, so that she doesn’t' misinterpret the conversation as if she is the bad one.

3. Spend time alone. People talk about it all the time when they've had pets for a while before having kids. The baby is born and one of the parents is out taking the dog for a walk to make sure they get "quality time" so they don't feel left out. Well the same thing goes for kids. Even if they're an only child, they need quality time with each parent. If there's just one parent, quality time is even more important. Put the phone down, put the tablet down, block out a time or scheduled date that is for just you two. Autumn gets excited on Saturdays, and knows when it's Saturday because I'm home when she wakes up. She knows we'll shower, get dressed, brush our hair & teeth together, and do something together- even if it's just a walk to the park, or going to Grandma's for dinner. We get up and spend the morning getting groomed together and that quality time is so precious. It's something I can't do Monday through Friday. Working 40+ hours a week doesn't make it easy to be a very active parent, but I can sure as hell try. 

4. Don't talk badly about yourself.  This is so important. If you want her to grow up with self-confidence and body positivity, don't let her see you doubt yourself. Don't let her hear you insulting yourself. If you can insult yourself, she'll see it as permission to insult herself. Let her see you be happy in your skin, and sure of yourself. It's not always easy to do, especially if you suffer from low self-esteem, but just remember, that body made that gorgeous little girl, and it's the only body you have. We look to our mother's as our inspiration for almost everything as we become women and mother's. I don't recall my mother being negative about her body. I've been pretty self-confident my whole life, even thru a 100+ pound weight gain because of PCOS. I owe that to my mother. I hope I can pass this down to Autumn.

5. Tell her you love her. Constantly. Compliment her. Listen to her stories and tell them back to her. Remember events and occasions with her. Recall what funny things happened yesterday. Know her, and know when she is sad. Encourage her by telling her she can do it. Be verbal. Not everyone can pick up on silent cues or signs of affection. Sometimes things have to be heard. Especially children. She doesn't understand that you hate working an office job but it's the only way to give her a home, so you do it. She doesn't understand that you didn't go out to a bar because she wanted to watch Beetleborgs while you held her. She understands when you say "I love you with all my heart" you are saying it to her.