August Challenge!

For this month, I've assigned myself three challenges.

One- The Plank Challenge: This one is really hard for me. TMI: They hurt my c-section scar. It's been 3 years and it still hurts. Ugh. Anyway, I'm determined to make myself stronger.

Two- 30 Days of new recipes. Actually 27 days, because I'm getting a late start. I love Pinterest because I've gotten so many awesome ideas from friends, however, I'm more of a Pinterest Fail kinda person. I'm whole heartedly excited to try new recipes as I love cooking, I'm just usually not good at it. I will keep you guys updated!

Three- Create a preschool lesson plan for Autumn. Since I plan on homeschooling her, I need to get started since she just turned three!

What about you guys? Any challenges you are giving yourself? Let me know!

No! I don't want anymore kids.

I'm not saying it's forever.
I just don't want another one.
I don't think I ever will, but you never say never.

Autumn is cute. She's beautiful, actually. She's a big ball of freakin' sunshine... to everyone else. She's always happy (unless she's mad) and she's very quirky. I'll be honest, my kid is magnetic. People love to be around her. They spend some time with her and then they ask "Are you having anymore?"

I laugh. The biggest, sarcastic, mean laugh that I can muster, and respond "Are you kidding me? Never. Nope. Heeellllll no."

I always get the "look" (you know that "you make adorable babies please make more" look) and they proceed to tell me WHY I need another kid:

1. "But she's sooooo cute" (...and evil)
2. "She needs a sibling, she'll get lonely." (...or get less attention)
3.  "You're going to miss her being a baby." (...really? I was dying for the day she could walk while holding my hand so I wouldn't have to carry her while I did everything)
4. "You need a boy!" (psssh. Like I have the money for genetic modification to make this happen.)
... and the oddest one I've heard:
5. "But I had a dream you had 4 kids!" (because I should just hop on board to make your premonition come true, right?)

Although all of these are very good reasons (sarcasm)  to have another child, here are my serious (kinda) reasons as to why I don't want to and probably won't do it again:

1. Pregnancy sucks. It sucks ass. Some women are super cute, bubbly, and glowing.... not me. I hated everything about it. I didn't look pregnant til, like, 3 days before my due date. So I just looked like a really whiney fat person the whole time. Also, the pain from the first trimester was God awful. I would complain to the doctor and he would tell me it's my uterus growing. Well, your uterus growing is like cramps on 'roids and it sucks. Also, I carried so low the whole time that by 6 months, even though I didn't look pregnant, I felt very pregnant and very heavy. This caused tremendous cramps, which the doctor told me was just my ligaments stretching. All of this body stretching and growing sucks. Not fun. Also the ultrasounds... yeah those suck too. You know why? Because you're bladder is full with a million ounces of water and you have to hold it while waiting for the xray tech to be ready, and of course, the little baby in your uterus is jumping on it the whole time. Then, the doctor pushes and shoves on your bladder region. I peed a little one time. It was equal amounts of embarassing and gross.

2. My labor still traumatizes me and my birth still causes pain. I went into labor on the 27th of July. I started feeling the pain on the night of the 26th, but I was ready to go to the hospital on the 27th. I got to the hospital and my water broke. They put me in a room and convinced me to get an epidural. I swear to you, every intention I had was a natural birth with NO epidural. However, they told me I'd be too tired to push since I was up all night in pain. So, exhausted I got the epdirual early in the day. The epidural stopped my contractions. The doctor didn't want to induce them because "there were too many women in labor and no on-call delivery doctors." The epdirual freaked me out and I had them turn it off. I didn't like the feeling of not feeling. So basically, I got the epidural, it stopped my labor, and I hated the way it felt so I turned it off and went back to feeling pain. For nothing. Then, I fell asleep in between contractions. The next morning, the doctor says "ok! we have more staff!" and gives me petocin to start my contractions again. I start contracting. I start pushing. I push for almost 8 hours on and off. NO baby. While she was sitting in a dry womb that, at one point, was pushing her out, and then, wasn't pushing her out. This caused her to turn "sunny side up." Apparently, babies only come out face down, which was news to me. I kept trying to push and her heart rate dropped so they had to whisk me off to emergency c-section. Horrifying. I couldn't hold her. I couldn't be with her. I had to just lie there, while hearing the doctor tell me he "couldn't stop the bleeding." Dead. I'm pretty sure at some point I left my body.

3. I can't handle more than one Autumn. Or one angel child plus Autumn. I actually can't even deal with Autumn, some days. There are moms out there who are able to spread themselves equally to each child, whereas I can't even spread my love to anyone besides her. Two days after she was born I just looked at her dad and told him that I really didn't think I had enough love in me to love anyone else besides her, including him. Also, I don't have the patience for anything besides her. I mean I barely have the patience for her... so.... yeah. No more kids, please. I would probably have a complete melt down. I have pretty bad anxiety and I sometimes feel myself seperating from sanity as it is. It wouldn't be fair. It wouldn't be nice to bring another kid into this. She's hyper and loud, and makes me batty. I think if my next child was a saint, they'd be ignored while I tended to Autumn's antics or if they were just as "eccentric" as Autumn, I'd die.

4. It's not financially responsible. I can make it on my own but I have a 2002 car and I'm living in a *decent* part of town in a ONE BEDROOM APARTMENT. By *decent* I mean I don't technically live in the hood, I like to consider it "historical" however, my mom saw my apartment and said "Brittany! If I would've seen this before you moved I would have told you not to move." Also, she will text me when she hears "booms" from my Grandma's house who lives a few blocks away. But really, it's not that bad. We have really nice neighbors who keep an eye on our place and I haven't seen any real crime besides bums loitering by the no loitering sign. Right now, Autumn does have everything she could ever want and more. Plus, I'm able to pay my bills without things getting shut off and such. However, not having to pay for baby food, possibly formula, diapers, and wipes is such a relief. I can't imagine doing it all over again. 

6. I really am not a huge fan of kids. I love my kid, because, you know, she's cool. However, she's very different from other kids. What if I have another kid and they're a boring or annoying kid?! I mean, I wouldn't be mean, and I would still love them, but my kid is really awesome! She does funny stuff and has such a crazy personality. Other kids are just... kids. Some may be cute, and some may be funny, but Autumn is a nutcase, and I love her that way. The more kids I have means more friends for them when they get older... more school functions.... more birtday parties... NO! No more kids. I seriously was an outcast for so much of my elementary years because I just really didn't get along with kids. 



Lately, Autumn has been requesting a new baby sister of me, and  I just can't.
Although when she started asking two weeks ago, I thought it was cute... at first.
Then I saw her put her baby doll in a plastic bag and shove it in a drawer, telling it to "stop crying" and my mind returned to "Hell no."

Hello, Tantrum Three's.

When Autumn started walking I exclaimed loudly that my life just got a million times harder. I was told it was just the beginning. 
When Autumn first yelled "No!" at something I had asked her to do, or rather, not do, I shook my head and laughed.
When Autumn started to refuse to do anything but the opposite that we asked of her, I was introduced to the terrible two's. 

Just last week, a month before her third birthday, I become fully aware of TANTRUM THREE'S.

Holy Hell.

I remember when I was pregnant and I would see kids crying in the shopping cart, chair, floor, wherever, and thinking "I'll never let my kid cry like that. I'll just hold her and she'll stop." 

Yeah. Right.

The first time she threw a tantrum went like this:

Autumn open's the hallway closet and see's her collectible retro toys. 
*pointing to the top shelf*
Autumn: "Daddy daddy daddy daddy gimme my toys!"
Daddy: "Ok Autumn, give me a second, my hands are full."
Autumn: *throws self on floor* *starts kicking floor* *screaming*
Daddy: *looks at me*
Me: *looks at him*
Me: "Autumn, get up, come here, he didn't even say no! Come here, come play with your toys."
Autumn: *kicking* *screaming*
Me: "Aw, come here Autumn." *giggle* "Let me hold you. Calm down, it's ok!"

That's when I learned my lesson. 

I reached down to pick her up and she bit my arm, spit on me, and then continued to scream.

A few explicitives later, I sat down on the couch, open pinterest, and ignored her. 

Ten minutes later, she crawled on the couch, cuddled under my arm while holding her toys like a baby, and that was that.

Now, this phase should be fun. It'll test every last nerve that I have. I know I can ignore it, but I can't ignore it in public. Which happened the night before 4th of July. Except this time it was at a water park, after dark, and in the restroom. The waterpark announced the fireworks, and of course, we have to go to the bathroom. So Autumn and I head over there and as we walk in the bathroom the fireworks start to go off. Autumn gets so scared that she begins to army crawl under the stalls on the nasty wet bathroom floor and then locks herself in the stall. This continues for quite some time until, like the great parent I am, I scared her by telling her a monster was in the toilet. Once she got out she was so dirty that I stuck her whole body in the sink and used hand soap to clean her off. By the time I was done, everyone was leaving the park and the fireworks were over.

Needless to say, I was over her at that point. 

There's about half a dozen other crazy moments she's had in the past week, but I'm exhausted from being up all night, because obviously her new sleeping schedule has her awake all night, so I won't go into it. 

We're having a rough patch, apparently. 
I just want sleep.
and more sleep.

Toddler Tuesday- The Importance of Family.

"Ohana means family. Family means nobody gets left behind. Or forgotten." -Lilo & Stitch.

Teaching a toddler the importance of family is an essential to building a child's sense of security and keeping them grounded. It's something to instill in them so that they have a sense of pride and loyalty.

I do understand there are certain situations where this doesn't apply. There are certain situations where your friends become your family, and even then, this same principle applies.

This being said, our family is hectic. We are not your average family and by no means are we normal. However, Autumn will know her family always has her back, and in return she will always be there to catch her cousins when they fall, or to help Grandma when she needs it. Because that is what family does.

This weekend she got to see her family on my side quite a bit. More than usual, since she got to see both my maternal and paternal sides of the family. I want to continue taking her around them so she can understand that they are the firsts people who will be permanent in her life. Before the friends and the crushes - she had family.

Do any of you struggle with keeping family close with your little ones?

5 Tips for Shopping on a Budget- with a toddler.

We have a spending limit of $350 to spend on food for 2 adults and a toddler each month. The first time trying to keep this budget was a huge fail. We ended up over budget 15 days into the month. However, now I feel I have finally perfected the grocery shopping skill AND budget. 

Taking Terrance to the grocery store with Autumn & I is exactly like taking TWO toddlers grocery shopping. They fight, they chase each other, they sneak candy from the bulk section, and they eat & drink before we pay. The only thing more embarrassing then the pile of empty juice bottles and chip bags is having to stop them from throwing things at each other. So I have concluded, I will get up early on the first Saturday of the month, and sneak out by myself. If Autumn wakes up, I will get her ready and sneak out with her. Just so long as her dad doesn't come as well.

He's really a keeper.

Anyhow, this is my list of things that help me get through shopping with a toddler & while staying on budget.

1. Make a shopping list. This may sound like a "duh" but there is a certain TYPE of list that I have found that is most efficient. Most of us know the basic layout of our favorite grocery stores, right? Mine is Winco, and it goes impulse (which they misleadingly call the wall of deals...), produce, bulk, deli, dairy, frozen, shelved goods, bakery, and then chips/crackers. So what I have found works the best is to make my list in the order that the store is laid out. My biggest pet peeve was getting half way through dairy only to realize I forgot spinach and had to back track to produce before I forgot again. This has made is so much easier. Here is an example:

My chicken scribble writing, as my mother describes it.

2. Keep the kid involved. This does take a little extra time and patience, but if I keep her involved in everything I am doing as I shop, she's totally cool with the whole trip. I refuse to let her out of the shopping cart because I will NOT chase her around, so I always pull her up close to the shelves and tell her how many we need. For example, I'll grab the produce bag and have her grab "4" avocados or "3" green bell peppers and "3" red bell peppers. It's a learning experience for her and even though it'd be easier for me to grab and go, I would end up fighting with a bored child trying to flee me. 

3. Compare prices & cut coupons. Be frugal. Don't be afraid to look cheap. In California they don't allow double coupons so I can't quite be the extreme couponer I'd love to be. Also, don't buy something just because it's on sale or because you have a coupon. At first it took me some time to compare but now I generally know which brands are good even though they are the cheapest option. Believe me; I've had my share of bad trips. I've saved myself 7 cents on mayo before and realized that it made everything I used it with taste like rotten shit. Not just normal shit, but rotten. So I've made my list to include brands to NOT ever try again. 

4. Buy bulk. I usually buy as much bulk as possible. This includes veggies. I don't have a Costco or Sam's Club Membership because I really don't buy that much bulk, since it's just the three of us. However, I buy a ton of family packs of meat and large amounts of veggies because I freeze them. I buy bulk in water, bread, and other boxed goods.

5. Freezer bags! The reason I like to shop early in the morning is that I come home and I do two things: 1. Snack on the fresh fruit and veggies I just bought and 2. Cut all the veggies up and section off meat to freeze for the month. My Grandma Mercedes taught me this when I first moved out of my parents’ house and it's always been a success. We get all the meat and all the veggies along with olive oil, seasonings, and white/red wines and package the right meats, with the right wines, and the right veggies. We give them a good "rubbing" as Grandma describes, and then we throw them in the freezer. I usually partition two to three pieces of meat depending on which kind of meat it is and if Autumn likes it. Before I go to bed at night I decide what meat needs to be pulled out and I set it in a container inside of the fridge to defrost. If you decide to do this, remember to leave some of the meat plain or very light seasoned for those occasions that you want to follow a recipe that doesn't call for your concoction of seasons and oils. 

 Click Here to Get a Coupon for Hefty Freezer Bags.

Bonus Tip!: Use reuseable shopping bags. For many reasons. It's better for the environment, Winco gives you 5 cents for every bag you bring, plastic bags are banned in most California cities, they fit more, and they are less likely to break on the trip into the house. Check these adorable shopping totes out.

5 Tips for Choosing Daycare; Momma to Momma

Choosing daycare for your toddler is hard! Especially if you’re like me, and waited until they’re almost 3 to introduce the idea of being separated from mom & dad for a period of time. I had some feedback and did some research and gathered the top five pieces of advice and tips for choosing the right daycare!

1. "Make a list what you want in a daycare and then prioritize that list.” The examples I got were as follows:

• Location- do you want them near your place of work or home?
• Price- Is there a price range that you need to stay under?
• Hours- Do you work hours other than normal business hours?
• Curriculum/Beliefs- Are there certain things you would prefer your child to learn while at daycare? Or not learn? Do you have beliefs that you would like to have promoted to your child? 

2. "Spend time with the staff and let your child play with them while you watch from either behind a window or from afar. Does the staff seem to understand your child’s babble? Do they seem frustrated?”

 I know that my child is frustrating at times. She is very high strung. My concern is that she will push staff’s buttons and test every nerve.

3. Look into policies. Read all the fine print. Specifically the following:

• Discipline- Do they believe in the same discipline as you do? Are time outs something that is acceptable for you?
• Meals and Snacks- Is the food appropriate for your child? Do you agree with goldfish instead of fresh fruit, or vice versa? Are you going to have to bring your own food?
• Sick policy- What constitutes a sick child? What symptoms are standard for either sending a child home or refusing stay for the day?
• Nap time- Is nap time going to throw your child out of whack? Is their nap schedule too early or too late? 

4. "Check to see if the director and lead teacher are educated and licensed. Not just licensed for the daycare, but check to see if they have a degree in teaching or child development.”

I know Autumn isn’t quite old enough to be in preschool but I would really prefer her to be taught some fundamentals rather than watch videos and play tag all day. Also, those who have invested their time and money into receiving an education in child development seem to have more concern and care for the growth of a child than an individual who merely wanted to have their own business in this field. 

5."State government is attempting to pass legislation that disallows parents to use personal beliefs as a waiver for immunizations. It isn’t law yet, but many daycares are already jumping on board and turning away kids that don’t follow the regular schedule.”

This is something that concerns me, because I have been vaccinating Autumn on an alternative vaccination schedule. This has been closely monitored and tailored by her pediatrician who fully supports this decision due to family history of reactions to vaccines as well as Autumn’s own health issues that we are still trying to diagnose. So this is scary to me. We really need daycare for Autumn so that both of us can work, but is it really worth putting her health at risk by updating all vaccines at once?

Any other words of advice that you guys would share?
~Brittany

Momma to Momma Advice: Picking Daycare

Since Terrance has been job hunting, he's received offers for employment during the day when I am at work. Our initial hopes were that he could find an employer that he could work evenings and weekends. We haven't been so lucky. So now, we are looking into daycare so that next time he is offered a position with overlapping hours as mine, we are ready to enroll Autumn.

I have a lot of fears in doing this. I am hoping that it's only a few hours that overlap, maybe a few days a week. I think it would be good for her since she is such a little social flower and loves to play. However, there are so many things that could happen to your child when they are not under parental watch.

Despite our fears, we are looking. So I reached out to my readers, friends, and family members to gather advice for choosing a daycare. Please comment, tweet, e-mail, facebook message, or text me your advice! I'm going to be compiling all that advice here to share with other mommas!

Hopefully this will help me feel a little less scared shitless. Haha!
~Brittany

Impromptu photo shoot.

We had a great weekend, and Autumn wanted to put on a princess dress and take pictures. 

Here are just a few:

Future plans & goals.

I am good at my job. I actually am really good at what I do. It's a comfy desk job with great benefits, fair pay, and a set Mon-Fri 9-5 schedule. However, I am lacking something. I don't like what I do at my job, I'm merely good at it. I don't want to spend my whole day in the office, but it is fairly convenient. I can't help but think of what I'm missing in life by living in this corporate hamster wheel. So as I was driving to work yesterday morning I decided I can't do this forever.

This job has mean potential to be a comfortable career, and I am already being given opportunities to show management that I have what it takes. I know that I could get stuck here very easily, which is why I need to verbalize and organize my future before I let this job snowball into a career. Would I be comfortable? Probably. Would I be happy? Probably not.

So starting today, I am going to let my inner entrepreneur begin to plant her seeds. My goal is to own a coffee/tea and book shop in Tower District. I want a toddler area so that couples can enjoy a cup of coffee and a book while letting the toddlers play in an area that is safe and distracting for the kids. I want to participate in Art Hop for the kids, so that they have an area to display their art as well! There will be sandwiches made to order for those who'd like to grab a quick bite to eat, and muffins for breakfast. I'd want to have new/used/and local books for sell, and maybe even a free "take one, leave one" book area for those who can't afford a book but can exchange one they already have for one they haven't read. We can play local music of all genres, and keep things as local as possible.

I am going to be raising my credit score while at this job so that I can qualify for a business loan. In the meantime, I am also going to begin making healing pillows, with custom scents and stones to promote healing and light. The money made will go towards the savings I need for the shop.

I am currently designing the pillows and doing some creative thinking for the names of both the pillows I am going to be selling, as well as the shop I will be opening.

I have to be able to make a living doing something I love to do. I have to be able to be in control of my life so that I can incorporate my child as much as possible. Every morning I leave her I want to break down, and I have to do something to make this work.

I will keep y'all updated. Remember to check out my other blogs, leave me comments/advice, and answer the poll question to let me know what you'd like to read!


Have a good day!

image from: http://www.ebay.com/gds/How-to-Choose-Healing-Stones-/10000000178630445/g.html

Concerned Parent.

Yesterday evening when I was parking I saw that Terrance was outside with Autumn and the neighbor kids whom are brother and sister. They are 4 years old and 6 years old, and always playing out side on their own. As I was walking up I asked Autumn if she wanted to go inside and make a cake. The 6 year old girl exclaimed "I want to help, too!" and so did her little brother. I told them they could help so long as they asked their momma.

They ran inside, their mother had said yes and I verified this by making sure she saw them come in and by waving at her from the back door. We made the cake (well, I did, they were distracted by Autumn's mountains of toys) and while we waited for it to bake we did some crafts. I took some construction paper to make "books" and had the kids decorate their own books with markers, ribbon, other paper, crayons, and lots of tape. When the cake was done and cooled, I frosted it and cut them each a slice.

After we cut the cake and ate, I told the kids we had to leave to run an errand so I packaged up some cake in a throw away plastic container and sent them through the back door and watched them walk onto their steps. That's when the 4 year old stuck his head back outside and said "My mom and dad are not here."

I was baffled. The parents had left their two young children at my house without telling me? Why would they do that? I've only lived by them for two months, and rarely have spoken to the parents besides a quick "Hello" in passing. I almost didn't believe the 4 year old so I walked up to their door and yelled a little "yoo-hoo" to see if anyone was inside. Then, as I'm starting to tell the kids to head back to my place while we wait for their parents they pull up behind me and park.

They were in my house for at least an hour and a half. They are 4 and 6. They do not know me well. They never told me they were leaving. I don't care how long they were gone for, it's rude to leave your kids at some one's house and not tell them you're leaving. Especially at 8pm at night when it's usually time to get things ready for bed. However, them being rude is not my concern. They literally left two young children at a strangers house for an extended period of time and LEFT their house in their CAR. WHAT?!

Even if they "trusted" me, as a stranger, what if I had let them run home without checking and something happened to them there?

She's 6. and He's 4. We don't live in a really great neighborhood. We live close to downtown, which is both beautiful and scary. It's historical yet warn, and it's definitely got a very wide range of individuals who live in the area. It's scary, I would never want to leave my children alone. Especially because of the parking situation, it's easy to tell when your car is missing.

Now I'm concerned about letting them come inside to play with Autumn again. How would I even confront them on this matter? I did state to her "Oh wow, I didn't even know you left, I was too worried to leave them here alone so I was going to bring them back to my house until you got back." to which she replied "Oh they would've been fine. She knows how to lock the door."

Any advice?

Hello there, stranger!

Hello there!

I'm back to blogging again, after a year long hiatus. 

I was going through some life changes, and now that I have become more stable (financially, mentally, and physically) I have returned to the wonderful world of blogspot! I've missed sharing the stories of my growing toddler, and I've very much missed the conversations I had with other mommas. Autumn is two and a half now, and very much so going on twenty one years old. I would have never imagined her being this goofy nor this mature. She suprises most people when they meet her because she acts so mature. Autumn is determined to be the leader of every situation- including our living situation. 

Sometimes I get so exhausted because she just DOES NOT hear me. Well... she hears me... she just pretends not to. I won't lie, I have thrown my hands up and cried face down on the couch while she sat in time out. However, I have to remember how I have chosen to raise her. I have chosen to raise her to have nothing but confidence in what she wants and who she is. So when you meet Autumn, just know that you are meeting 100% Grade A Autumn, because she chooses what she wants to do, what she wants to say, and how she wants to go about her day. She is fearless. She has no fear of anything- except fish tanks (which I'll have to discuss another time.) I admire her fearlessness but it's getting to the point where I look at her and think "Hmm... maybe just a little bit of fear may be good for her." 

Autumn will face many challenges in her life. Her mixture of ethnicity paired with the fact that she is female will present hurdles, wether she notices or not. I want her to be confident in everything that she does and everything that she is. She loves her big curly hair, and that makes me smile. She thinks she's "the most beautiful girl in the world" because her daddy says so. She thinks she's the oldest and wisest kid on the play ground, when actually she's the youngest and most petite. I am very proud of this. I am happy that she is so independent and proud of who she is, and I just hope this continues. And I hope that I have the energy to deal with it.

At the end of the day, my kid is amazing. Everyone feels that way about their child, don't they? I feel like everyone should hear about the things Autumn says or does, because it's hillarious. So I've decided to share my life with you all as readers, and I hope you enjoy reading!


Have a great day y'all!
-Brittany