Working 40 hours a week when all you want to do is crafts with your toddler sucks.
Working a 5 day a week job sucks.
Waiting for a weekend sucks.
Adulting sucks.
Things I've learned while raising a toddler and working full time:
1. Sometimes you're going to feel like a terrible parent because you will come home completely drained, and even though you've thought about getting home to your baby all day, you will instantly be annoyed by their need for attention. You won't notice that you're doing it, but by dismissing their feelings, you're being a jerk. But I don't blame you! It's hard. Especially if you deal with fixing problems or customer service. You just want a break, and want someone to fix YOUR problems for once. Yeah, I catch myself and remind myself that this tiny little human wants to be around me and loves me regardless. Then I feel horrible for being irritated at this beautiful little monster. But it's normal. I've talked to other working mamma's and they've experienced this, also. It's rough, and the worst part is, people I actually don't care about got the best of me, whereas my daughter gets the burned out grumpy version of me.
2. You'll have days at home when you think to yourself "work sounds nice." Even if you spent all week wanting to cry at the thought of having to stay at work a minute longer. You'll remember that work has free air conditioning and a break room where people generally leave you alone, at least for a little bit. Unlike home, where there is no place to hide. Not even the bathroom!
3. I wish I could ditch like I did in high school. In high school I would wake up with full intent on going to school until a friend would call or text me with a better proposal. Then I'd decide to ditch school for fun. Well some mornings I have all intentions of going to work but then Autumn wakes up and wants to do something fun, like we did on "Saturday." My heart hurts each time I have to tell her no, because of money. If I don't go to work, rent is not paid. It's a bummer, and I wish I could stay home all of the days to have fun, but I'm so worried about not having the patience for it.
4. Planning for the weekend all week long ends with a very busy weekend, which are a lot of fun, but also very exhausting. I feel so suffocated all week long in this office building that I plan for days out for the weekends but I have to learn to schedule time for relaxation, too. If I don't, I end up burned out and even more dreadful of Monday.
5. I do get every holiday off, which is nice, however, I don't ever have enough time to plan for said holidays. Very annoying for someone who likes to get creative with the gift baskets and wrapping paper. I like to make things extra special and magical. Having the DAY off for a holiday really does nothing for me. So I start to get my holiday planning way ahead of time! I've been planning Autumn's birthday since January, even though it's in July, because I won't have enough weekends to put everything together myself in just the month of July. But seriously, holiday's really aren't all that great when you know you won't be home the day after Christmas to play with your kid and all the stuff Santa brought them. Instead I'll be at work talking to people who have nothing better to do but call customer service the day after Christmas. Usually, they're bitter about something or being alone. Like me. Because I am at work. Dealing with them. IT'S HORRIBLE.
I've probably learned a lot more since I started working full time on a regular 9-5 shift, but I think these are most important. I feel like I miss out on so much. However, a good paying job with an unfinished psychogy degree is rarely found without working in retail or fast food. It's very frustrating. I need to make a living, but I want to be close to my daughter. I have to pay the bills but I'm afraid I will end up showing my daughter that I sacrifice my goals and passions for money. It's a very complicated situation but for now, I just have to keep on keeping on.
