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Thursday, July 23, 2015

No! I don't want anymore kids.

I'm not saying it's forever.
I just don't want another one.
I don't think I ever will, but you never say never.

Autumn is cute. She's beautiful, actually. She's a big ball of freakin' sunshine... to everyone else. She's always happy (unless she's mad) and she's very quirky. I'll be honest, my kid is magnetic. People love to be around her. They spend some time with her and then they ask "Are you having anymore?"

I laugh. The biggest, sarcastic, mean laugh that I can muster, and respond "Are you kidding me? Never. Nope. Heeellllll no."

I always get the "look" (you know that "you make adorable babies please make more" look) and they proceed to tell me WHY I need another kid:

1. "But she's sooooo cute" (...and evil)
2. "She needs a sibling, she'll get lonely." (...or get less attention)
3.  "You're going to miss her being a baby." (...really? I was dying for the day she could walk while holding my hand so I wouldn't have to carry her while I did everything)
4. "You need a boy!" (psssh. Like I have the money for genetic modification to make this happen.)
... and the oddest one I've heard:
5. "But I had a dream you had 4 kids!" (because I should just hop on board to make your premonition come true, right?)

Although all of these are very good reasons (sarcasm)  to have another child, here are my serious (kinda) reasons as to why I don't want to and probably won't do it again:


1. Pregnancy sucks. It sucks ass. Some women are super cute, bubbly, and glowing.... not me. I hated everything about it. I didn't look pregnant til, like, 3 days before my due date. So I just looked like a really whiney fat person the whole time. Also, the pain from the first trimester was God awful. I would complain to the doctor and he would tell me it's my uterus growing. Well, your uterus growing is like cramps on 'roids and it sucks. Also, I carried so low the whole time that by 6 months, even though I didn't look pregnant, I felt very pregnant and very heavy. This caused tremendous cramps, which the doctor told me was just my ligaments stretching. All of this body stretching and growing sucks. Not fun. Also the ultrasounds... yeah those suck too. You know why? Because you're bladder is full with a million ounces of water and you have to hold it while waiting for the xray tech to be ready, and of course, the little baby in your uterus is jumping on it the whole time. Then, the doctor pushes and shoves on your bladder region. I peed a little one time. It was equal amounts of embarassing and gross.


2. My labor still traumatizes me and my birth still causes pain. I went into labor on the 27th of July. I started feeling the pain on the night of the 26th, but I was ready to go to the hospital on the 27th. I got to the hospital and my water broke. They put me in a room and convinced me to get an epidural. I swear to you, every intention I had was a natural birth with NO epidural. However, they told me I'd be too tired to push since I was up all night in pain. So, exhausted I got the epdirual early in the day. The epidural stopped my contractions. The doctor didn't want to induce them because "there were too many women in labor and no on-call delivery doctors." The epdirual freaked me out and I had them turn it off. I didn't like the feeling of not feeling. So basically, I got the epidural, it stopped my labor, and I hated the way it felt so I turned it off and went back to feeling pain. For nothing. Then, I fell asleep in between contractions. The next morning, the doctor says "ok! we have more staff!" and gives me petocin to start my contractions again. I start contracting. I start pushing. I push for almost 8 hours on and off. NO baby. While she was sitting in a dry womb that, at one point, was pushing her out, and then, wasn't pushing her out. This caused her to turn "sunny side up." Apparently, babies only come out face down, which was news to me. I kept trying to push and her heart rate dropped so they had to whisk me off to emergency c-section. Horrifying. I couldn't hold her. I couldn't be with her. I had to just lie there, while hearing the doctor tell me he "couldn't stop the bleeding." Dead. I'm pretty sure at some point I left my body.


3. I can't handle more than one Autumn. Or one angel child plus Autumn. I actually can't even deal with Autumn, some days. There are moms out there who are able to spread themselves equally to each child, whereas I can't even spread my love to anyone besides her. Two days after she was born I just looked at her dad and told him that I really didn't think I had enough love in me to love anyone else besides her, including him. Also, I don't have the patience for anything besides her. I mean I barely have the patience for her... so.... yeah. No more kids, please. I would probably have a complete melt down. I have pretty bad anxiety and I sometimes feel myself seperating from sanity as it is. It wouldn't be fair. It wouldn't be nice to bring another kid into this. She's hyper and loud, and makes me batty. I think if my next child was a saint, they'd be ignored while I tended to Autumn's antics or if they were just as "eccentric" as Autumn, I'd die.


4. It's not financially responsible. I can make it on my own but I have a 2002 car and I'm living in a *decent* part of town in a ONE BEDROOM APARTMENT. By *decent* I mean I don't technically live in the hood, I like to consider it "historical" however, my mom saw my apartment and said "Brittany! If I would've seen this before you moved I would have told you not to move." Also, she will text me when she hears "booms" from my Grandma's house who lives a few blocks away. But really, it's not that bad. We have really nice neighbors who keep an eye on our place and I haven't seen any real crime besides bums loitering by the no loitering sign. Right now, Autumn does have everything she could ever want and more. Plus, I'm able to pay my bills without things getting shut off and such. However, not having to pay for baby food, possibly formula, diapers, and wipes is such a relief. I can't imagine doing it all over again. 



6. I really am not a huge fan of kids. I love my kid, because, you know, she's cool. However, she's very different from other kids. What if I have another kid and they're a boring or annoying kid?! I mean, I wouldn't be mean, and I would still love them, but my kid is really awesome! She does funny stuff and has such a crazy personality. Other kids are just... kids. Some may be cute, and some may be funny, but Autumn is a nutcase, and I love her that way. The more kids I have means more friends for them when they get older... more school functions.... more birtday parties... NO! No more kids. I seriously was an outcast for so much of my elementary years because I just really didn't get along with kids. 



Lately, Autumn has been requesting a new baby sister of me, and  I just can't.
Although when she started asking two weeks ago, I thought it was cute... at first.
Then I saw her put her baby doll in a plastic bag and shove it in a drawer, telling it to "stop crying" and my mind returned to "Hell no."

15 comments:

  1. Enjoy your beautiful daughter and do what is right for your family! You don't need to explain your reasons, a simple,"We are so happy with our family," should be enough!

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  2. Ha, it's so funny you wrote this this week because I wrote about how to love your second child (sort of) in a letter to my second daughter, just yesterday.

    It sounds like you know yourself and you're still smart enough to say, "never say never". After we had two under 2, I took a 6 year long hiatus on baby making. Now we have three and oh man. I want just *one* more. (Which I get equally crazy looks for, btw).

    You have to listen to your own needs, your own instinct on this. I wish other mothers, myself included, we're able to take such honest stock of their capabilities to manage more chaos.

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  3. This made me laugh out loud! But you know what? you're doing what is right and best for YOU. And that's all that matters.

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  5. As I read this, I laughed. VERY LOUDLY! Why? Because I now have 3 kids after saying all of the above after my 1st. Now, I have to drink one glass of red wine and pray each night to calm my nerves. I have to convince myself that "I am made for this..." more now than ever. Let's just say, sticking to what you know you can handle is a really good thing. And make no apologies for it!

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  6. That's hilarious! I am pregnant with #3 but I still feel your pregnancy pain... I am excited about our little girl coming, just not loving the heart burn, not being able to get up out of bed or off the couch without help and I haven't seen my feet in a while. Well said!!

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  7. The decision to have more children or not is yours and not really anyone else's business. I almost named my daughter Autumn, then Summer. I finally went with something else, but still like those names for a summer baby!

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  8. First of all, I LOVE your gifs; so fun! I agree with you in not liking this question. I have six kids, so people feel the same way in assuming that they can then ask me if "I'm done yet?" Why do people feel like they should know your personal reproductive plans?? Done with my rant now... great post! :)

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  9. Love the humor in your post! Definitely agree never say never! On a serious note, it's great that you acknowledge your true feelings and are doing what's best for you and your family. Your daughter sounds adorable!

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  10. I felt the exact same way after my son was born. I had no desire to go through pregnancy and labor again

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  11. Great read. I too am done and have heard all the same reasons to have more. NOPE now way!

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  12. Very funny! I can totally relate and I always get that question "so, when are you having another" which is then followed by a "But your child will be so lonely!" Ugh!

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  13. I know how you feel. I have one child, and people constantly ask me when I am having another one. I know I'm not ready for another baby. You are doing the right thing by making the best decision for you and your family.

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  14. Great post! I think it is wonderful that you know what you want (or don't want!). Being unaware of our own limits can often be a dangerous spot to be in.

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  15. Lol I feel you! I'm doing my best not to have anymore.

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